The Making Of A Free Man


In high school I became disillusioned with society and the system it had created for how we were to live our lives.  I knew what society expected and how it functioned, but I preferred a different life.  Well, I was a teenager after all.  I wanted to be free and live a simple life without rules.  I spent a lot of time thinking and learning about things.  I enjoyed having existential discussions and learning about foreign cultures and other ways of looking at the world.

During college I was exposed to new exciting ideas and people, but still felt disenfranchised.  At the end of my second semester I read Hermann Hesse's book, Siddhartha.  The effect was very powerful at the time.  It was all I could do to even make it to my final exams, though I did well as always.  That would be my last semester of studying for a while.  At least in a classroom.

That summer I went on a road trip out west with my high school friends.  Things felt right.  I spent the rest of the summer living in a campground with my college roommate.  That was pretty awesome.  It was real freedom.  I didn't go back to school in the fall and then at the end of the year I made another significant decision.

I went on another road trip.  Then I kept on going.  With new friends, I lived on the road and in the woods for the next three years.  I hitchhiked all across the country.  I lived in the desert and the rain forest.  I lived in vans and a school bus.  I cooked, ate, and gave away free food.  I lived almost entirely without money.  Then, with my friends all separating to the wind, having no direction or purpose, I decided to go back home.  I didn't want to need to live like this when I was old and had no options.  I was free, but having no money left me quite insecure.

Back home, I still didn't know what I would do, but anything was better than nothing.  Having purpose is important.  I got a temp job and started studying the martial art, Aikido.  I found that I did enjoy learning (formally).  I decided to go to community college just to learn.  I studied whatever I wanted, including languages I didn't think I could learn -Japanese- and got 4.0's.  I discovered that a bachelor degree would allow me to go overseas and teach English.  So, I resolved to go back to university and finish my undergrad degree.

After college I decided to go to Taiwan and teach English.  At the job I found, I worked about 20 hours per week mostly in the afternoons and evenings.  It was a good job though difficult at times.  It wasn't a bad life.  When I needed to make a return trip to the US, I discovered that my job wasn't that secure.  Being a foreigner presented some barriers to making a life working there.  I had more money, but was less free.

After returning home again, I decided to stay in the US and find a job that I could settle into a bit more.  Maybe I could work for a while and save some money for my future.  It took a long time to find a job.  I was looking in a specific field where experience was important and I didn't have much.  I did eventually find a job and I moved after just a phone interview with no idea what sort of place I would be working at.  I started saving in retirement accounts.  My hourly rate was not that different from my job in Taiwan, but I worked twice as much and could get overtime too.  Overtime was actually required.  At some point I had the idea that I could work 'til around 40 saving money the whole time.  Life was hell though.  Where was my freedom?  I needed more of my time back.  Money is useless without time.  I looked for another job.

I found my next job not far away in the same region.  The pay was lower, but I had more free time compared to my last job.  I also felt my job was more meaningful.  There were several parts of it that I thoroughly enjoyed.  But, I still spent the majority of my time at work or preparing for work.  For me, that was too much.  And 40 years old was a lonnnggg time away.  How much life would I waste just waiting for 40?  And would I leave and wander the world at 40?  That sounded old.  I wondered if I should set a financial milestone instead of a random age.  Maybe I didn't need as much money as I was thinking.  So I continued saving in tax advantaged retirement accounts.  Then about four years into my full-time work life, one year before I left my job, I had The (Financial) Epiphany.

Don't Cry For Me

I'm dying.

I've known for a while now.  Every day that passes is one day closer to my last.  Reflecting on that can be frightening.  Yet, at other times it can be liberating.  A push for change, to do the things I want.  It forces me to think about how I'm living my life and what my priorities are.

I should clarify that I have no known health problems and am planning to live to 100 at least.  But, nevertheless I still know I will die someday.  The haunting part is it could be any day.  It doesn't have to come slowly from a disease I know I have.  It could also happen instantly without warning.  If I don't enjoy today, I might not get another chance at it.

So if my days are limited, how will I spend these final days?  Most adults spend the majority of their waking lives at work.  It is the expected thing.  Some people enjoy working or at least say they do.  I'm not one of those people.  But I'm not lazy.  I'll work for free if I believe the cause is worthy.

Work is not the only restricter of freedom, but it is the most time consuming and visible one.  Even if you are passionate about what you do there will still be compromises you need to make for the sake of your job.  Also, in my experience, people who are passionate about their jobs are still more passionate about the vacations they take away from work.  To me, that says something.

As I understand the economy, work is for money, which is to buy things, which creates work, ad infinitum (you have to pretend that the earth is infinitely large instead of being limited in size and resources, which is what people currently do).  I am willing to give up consumerism for more free time.  It's not good for me or the environment.  Experiences can be exchanged for money, but they don't have to be.  There are plenty that are available for free or at a great discount with just a little effort.  So if I can mostly remove the need for money from the equation, then work would also be unnecessary after a certain point.  If I can obtain/maintain a minimal stream of income then the work would again be unnecessary.

My time is very valuable to me.  It is limited and always decreasing.  With more of my time available, I can determine what activities are the most important to me and pursue them.  I can work when and how I want, for pay or not.  I can study the things I want to learn.  I can travel.  I can visit with friends and family.  I can visit nature.  I can sit and be calm.

I'll need to spend my time taking care of the things I don't have the money to solve.  I'll need to be flexible and willing to change my plans based on my circumstances.

I don't know what makes a life purposeful and enjoyable, but I'm trying to move in that direction.